It’s an interesting world we live in, and an incredibly interesting time to be alive.  So much is coming forward to be seen and healed.  So many things are being triggered in each of our hearts. 

For many, it can be difficult to feel deeply, yet have to witness others who believe or behave exactly the opposite of what we perceive is needed, or what we feel is right. 

Though I care very deeply about so many things, and it would be very easy for me to impose those beliefs on the world, I recognize that there is so much at play. So many things unfolding beneath the surface. When I look at it all on a soul level, staying conscious and awake, as opposed to from my ego mind, I am able to allow acceptance for all viewpoints, whether I think them right or wrong.  I am not Source/ God/ Creator Of All Things, I do not know all of the secrets of the universe, and though I can do my part to support those who need or want it, it is not my place to judge or condemn others who choose a different path.

I grew up firmly attached to my thoughts, holding strongly to what I could see and prove, veils carefully draped over my consciousness, numbing me to feeling all of the feels.  I built a suit of armour to protect my tenderness, I couldn’t stand to face the pain, sadness or injustices of the world, or in my life. From my teens through my twenties, I was righteous more often than I would like.  And defensive.  Angry.  A fire simmering deep within, an anger developed out of heartbreak I faced as a young child.  My triggers were close to the surface, my unhealed parts sometimes easy to spot.  I was also very full of love and optimism, incredibly sensitive, trusting and compassionate, driven to stand up for the underdog, passionate about helping others help themselves. I recognized that the anger wasn’t just the way that I was. I had a choice. Though it wasn’t the easy path, I chose to embark on and continue my healing journey until I had no triggers left. Until I could hold space equally for all beings. I am still a work in progress, but I am such a different person than I once was.

I now trust that life happens on purpose, and though I didn’t get to choose what I experienced, it helped me to build a strength that I now use to support my softness.  I no longer need to hide behind any of my carefully crafted defences.  I can feel and know, allow and flow, and still shine love to all people, to all things.  

This strength helps me continue to love and fully accept all those who do all of the things that tear at my heart, things like eating beautiful, vulnerable animals.  Animals that have no desire to die.  Who does, really. 

My journey to adopting a Plant-Based life came in stages.  It started by recognizing that I was not well, the way I ate and the way I engaged with the world were not supporting a healthy and happy me.  I sought support from holistic practitioners, as there was a knowing in my heart that our modern medical system could not help me.  This knowing was validated when I got very ill and ended up in the ER, was referred to a specialist, went through testing for Crohn’s, Colitis, etc. and was informed that I simply had IBS and to be careful what I ate.  I was sent on my way, left to navigate my way to wellness on my own.

I worked with a Homeopath, an ND, had a A LOT of energy work done, and as I started to heal, I started to recognize how I had been sabotaging myself.  I had eaten whatever I felt like for many years, but when I started to make changes to my diet, changes to my lifestyle, and engaged in activities that supported and healed my internal world, I got lighter.  Happier. 

I am human, so I faltered.  I had to go back and try things that I had cut out.  I had to suffer again and again to really learn my lessons.  We learn in cycles, and while it isn’t exactly fun, when we pay attention, we learn much faster until the lesson has been fully realized. Those were my lessons to learn and no one could have saved me from them. 

It has been a really interesting journey…I went from drinking alcohol so much and so often that in my early 20’s my mother asked me if I might have a drinking problem, to having absolutely no desire to have a drink of any alcohol (except Kombucha, but that doesn’t count ;-)).  I went from growing up a meat and potatoes girl, to being strictly plant-based with absolutely no desire to eat an animal or anything that comes from an animal (except organic local honey. I’m not perfect).  Though my husband may suggest that I am still really strong willed, which in some ways I certainly am, I am so different in how I see the world and its inner workings.  Most of my triggers healed, my belief systems entirely morphed, my light so much brighter.

It has taken my husband and kids years to join me, and there are certainly days where my littles find it difficult, especially when their friends are eating pizza or ribs. They understand, but because my shifting came after they were born, it has been an adjustment.

In the last 6 months, we have discovered that my daughter has a number of food sensitivities, so we now find ourselves Vegan and Paleo. Living this way requires a lot of dedication and discipline for most. I have had many conversations where others tell me that they wish they could stop drinking or cut back on cheese, however there is always that “But”. For me there are no buts, it’s not a choice, it’s a knowing. Part of why I find it so easy is Presence. When I am present, not in my head entertaining the dialogue about this food or that craving, I am neutral. I have witnessed my thoughts gravitate to how good something tasted, but then I remember that nothing tastes as good as Ahimsa feels. Ahimsa is non-harming. Not harming myself with unhealthy foods or drinks, not harming animals to satisfy a craving, not harming our earth in order for me to enjoy that cookie.

Somewhere along the way, I chose to shift, chose a different path, a path led by love.  It has required me facing my stuff, doing the inner work for many, many years in order to acknowledge and heal my broken pieces.  I now no longer see myself as separate from anyone or anything.  I recognize myself in my family, my friends, people I come across in the world. In living creatures of all kinds. In the earth itself.  I see the importance and value in all living things, and can’t imagine contributing to the suffering of animals in order to feed a craving. 

Love is powerful, it heals, it transmutes, it is the way.  The more we operate from this space, from our heart and soul’s light, the more our life will flow in the most beautiful ways. 

Every day, I choose love.  This doesn’t mean that I am Zen all of the time, or that I have all of the answers.  But I now know the path to freedom, and it is LOVE!

I love this time of year.  I love the universe’s encouragement to slow down and take more time to go inward.  I love the snow.  I love the extra time with family and friends.  I love Christmas music playing in the background and the inevitable singing that accompanies it.  I love so many things about this season…

But I have to admit that this year, I also feel at odds with how I have done Christmas for so many years, and how much of that no longer resonates with me.  As I have started to slow down and cultivate more consciousness in my life,  I have become deeply sensitive to how almost every single thing I do has a greater impact on the planet and every single one of us on it.

It is difficult knowing that in order to create the easier, cheaper and more convenient world we live in (you know, in order to be able to do it all and have it all), there has been such a great cost to our individual mental and physical health, as well as to the health of the planet we call home.  

As much as I could let this knowing and these emotions consume me, I am instead choosing to think about how I can do better and hopefully through my actions, create a ripple effect.

This time of year is meant to invoke happiness and joy, but we all know that it also often creates a lot of stress and anxiety, so I felt it important to step back and reflect…To recognize what the holidays mean to me and what I value most about this time of year, how I/we are impacting the globe, the example I am setting for my children and how I might make a difference for others who need love and support, especially at this time of year.  

This is what I came up with…

For me, happiness comes through slowing down and letting life get simple.  I value time to connect with myself, my family, my friends.  I value time to laugh, and definitely time to rest. These holidays, I want to make sure that we have time together, unscheduled, to be spontaneous and adventure, to read by the fire, to simply show up and let the magic happen.

I value my family, especially my role as a parent and all that it entails, which is lots of snuggles and kitchen dance parties, as well as educating and setting solid boundaries.  This season, I want my children to understand that love and joy do not come in boxes filled with candy or toys, but in the experience we are having by being together cuddling, laughing, singing and loving.  I want them to understand the impact their gifts have, what they are made of, where they come from, and how important it is to think beyond a moment’s desire (which is incredibly difficult for a 6 & 8 year old).  I want them to see how they are connected to all things and what they do matters.

I value the true intention of this season, which is to share joy, laughter and love.  I appreciate that no matter what challenges I face, there are others who face ones far greater, which helps me remain grateful for what I have.  And it helps me, in what is otherwise a busy time, find space to support others who need it.  To donate, to volunteer, to stop and smile at a stranger or buy a coffee for someone living on the street.  

This world needs us all to show up in bigger ways.  Not to judge ourselves, or to judge others, but to show up, one day at a time, with our best.  Not to pack our schedules with more, but to step back, slow down, and see how we can be better for ourselves, which in turn is going to translate into us being better for the world at large.  

This holidays season, I encourage you to take some time to reflect.  What change do you want to see in the world, be it your world at home, in your community, or the planet as a whole?  What do you value most and how are you going to create a holiday season that supports that?

Sending you so much love, so much light, so much of all that you deserve.  

Xo

A