It’s an interesting world we live in, and an incredibly interesting time to be alive. So much is coming forward to be seen and healed. So many things are being triggered in each of our hearts.
For many, it can be difficult to feel deeply, yet have to witness others who believe or behave exactly the opposite of what we perceive is needed, or what we feel is right.
Though I care very deeply about so many things, and it would be very easy for me to impose those beliefs on the world, I recognize that there is so much at play. So many things unfolding beneath the surface. When I look at it all on a soul level, staying conscious and awake, as opposed to from my ego mind, I am able to allow acceptance for all viewpoints, whether I think them right or wrong. I am not Source/ God/ Creator Of All Things, I do not know all of the secrets of the universe, and though I can do my part to support those who need or want it, it is not my place to judge or condemn others who choose a different path.
I grew up firmly attached to my thoughts, holding strongly to what I could see and prove, veils carefully draped over my consciousness, numbing me to feeling all of the feels. I built a suit of armour to protect my tenderness, I couldn’t stand to face the pain, sadness or injustices of the world, or in my life. From my teens through my twenties, I was righteous more often than I would like. And defensive. Angry. A fire simmering deep within, an anger developed out of heartbreak I faced as a young child. My triggers were close to the surface, my unhealed parts sometimes easy to spot. I was also very full of love and optimism, incredibly sensitive, trusting and compassionate, driven to stand up for the underdog, passionate about helping others help themselves. I recognized that the anger wasn’t just the way that I was. I had a choice. Though it wasn’t the easy path, I chose to embark on and continue my healing journey until I had no triggers left. Until I could hold space equally for all beings. I am still a work in progress, but I am such a different person than I once was.
I now trust that life happens on purpose, and though I didn’t get to choose what I experienced, it helped me to build a strength that I now use to support my softness. I no longer need to hide behind any of my carefully crafted defences. I can feel and know, allow and flow, and still shine love to all people, to all things.
This strength helps me continue to love and fully accept all those who do all of the things that tear at my heart, things like eating beautiful, vulnerable animals. Animals that have no desire to die. Who does, really.
My journey to adopting a Plant-Based life came in stages. It started by recognizing that I was not well, the way I ate and the way I engaged with the world were not supporting a healthy and happy me. I sought support from holistic practitioners, as there was a knowing in my heart that our modern medical system could not help me. This knowing was validated when I got very ill and ended up in the ER, was referred to a specialist, went through testing for Crohn’s, Colitis, etc. and was informed that I simply had IBS and to be careful what I ate. I was sent on my way, left to navigate my way to wellness on my own.
I worked with a Homeopath, an ND, had a A LOT of energy work done, and as I started to heal, I started to recognize how I had been sabotaging myself. I had eaten whatever I felt like for many years, but when I started to make changes to my diet, changes to my lifestyle, and engaged in activities that supported and healed my internal world, I got lighter. Happier.
I am human, so I faltered. I had to go back and try things that I had cut out. I had to suffer again and again to really learn my lessons. We learn in cycles, and while it isn’t exactly fun, when we pay attention, we learn much faster until the lesson has been fully realized. Those were my lessons to learn and no one could have saved me from them.
It has been a really interesting journey…I went from drinking alcohol so much and so often that in my early 20’s my mother asked me if I might have a drinking problem, to having absolutely no desire to have a drink of any alcohol (except Kombucha, but that doesn’t count ;-)). I went from growing up a meat and potatoes girl, to being strictly plant-based with absolutely no desire to eat an animal or anything that comes from an animal (except organic local honey. I’m not perfect). Though my husband may suggest that I am still really strong willed, which in some ways I certainly am, I am so different in how I see the world and its inner workings. Most of my triggers healed, my belief systems entirely morphed, my light so much brighter.
It has taken my husband and kids years to join me, and there are certainly days where my littles find it difficult, especially when their friends are eating pizza or ribs. They understand, but because my shifting came after they were born, it has been an adjustment.
In the last 6 months, we have discovered that my daughter has a number of food sensitivities, so we now find ourselves Vegan and Paleo. Living this way requires a lot of dedication and discipline for most. I have had many conversations where others tell me that they wish they could stop drinking or cut back on cheese, however there is always that “But”. For me there are no buts, it’s not a choice, it’s a knowing. Part of why I find it so easy is Presence. When I am present, not in my head entertaining the dialogue about this food or that craving, I am neutral. I have witnessed my thoughts gravitate to how good something tasted, but then I remember that nothing tastes as good as Ahimsa feels. Ahimsa is non-harming. Not harming myself with unhealthy foods or drinks, not harming animals to satisfy a craving, not harming our earth in order for me to enjoy that cookie.
Somewhere along the way, I chose to shift, chose a different path, a path led by love. It has required me facing my stuff, doing the inner work for many, many years in order to acknowledge and heal my broken pieces. I now no longer see myself as separate from anyone or anything. I recognize myself in my family, my friends, people I come across in the world. In living creatures of all kinds. In the earth itself. I see the importance and value in all living things, and can’t imagine contributing to the suffering of animals in order to feed a craving.
Love is powerful, it heals, it transmutes, it is the way. The more we operate from this space, from our heart and soul’s light, the more our life will flow in the most beautiful ways.
Every day, I choose love. This doesn’t mean that I am Zen all of the time, or that I have all of the answers. But I now know the path to freedom, and it is LOVE!