As I write this, I am sitting on my front porch, half shaded, half sun kissed. A beautiful breeze is keeping the heat at bay. The birds are chirping and running across the lawn looking for worms. My resident chipmunk is cruising the hood for nuts and other goodies to fill his cheeks. My husband is inside working out of our dungeon office and the kids are running around, inside, outside, without question making a huge mess and loving every minute of it.
It is really incredible how much has changed in just a few short months. When I reflect on how my life has unfolded since we rang in the New Year, I have to shake my head at how much has happened and how it all happened so fast.
As I plunged into 2020, I was so full of energy, excited to implement all of the ideas the had been bouncing around in my brain, eager to tap into the energy of this New Decade. I started to create my latest blog and my January newsletter, taught a wonderful class at The Tett Centre (the first yoga class of mine that my husband has EVER attended), but less than two weeks in, I felt like I was being hit by a tidal wave of busyness. The kids seemed to be getting sick, A LOT (talk about cleansing energies). That, in addition to my regular work schedule, a new strength training client, and keeping up with the demands of self-employed life, I couldn’t seem to find any time to do any of the new and exciting stuff I had planned. And when things get this busy, though I seem to have this uncanny ability to navigate it fairly well, my creative juices stall.
Instead of allowing myself to get worked up and stressed about all of the things that weren’t getting done, I surrendered to my circumstance, meditated EVERY day and breathed through it. It was a conscious choice to surrender, because I can definitely fall into the story of needing to do it all. I have a very strong work ethic and have always struggled with things left undone. But I have learned that it doesn’t serve me or the people I work with when I am sleep deprived, when I skip my practice, or when I focus all of my energies outward and save nothing for myself. It also makes me a huge hypocrite.
When things finally started to settle, and there was a little more time, my furbaby of 18 years got sick. Frodo was so much more than a cat to me. There was something so special about him, and though it may sound cliché to say that he held a very special place in my heart, he did. A big place. Like huge!
That newfound free time was taken up by taking him to the vet, running around trying to find food that he could eat, and making sure to spend as much extra time with him as I could, knowing that my time with him was soon coming to an end. It offered me an opportunity to acknowledge that I had allowed my busy schedule to fragment my time so much so, that I barely had time to appreciate him and our other rescue kitties.
It has now been 11 weeks since my heart felt like it broke into a million little pieces. Saying goodbye was the hardest day I have yet to encounter. I don’t think that I have ever cried that hard. And because I allowed myself time and space to fully feel my grief and heartbreak, the experience felt more difficult than discovering my mother shortly after she had passed. Shock buffered and protected me from feeling the full impact of that loss (my experience with grief and loss is a whole other Blog post, soon to be shared).
Now I am here, three months into COVID 19 seclusion, not able to work in the capacities that I have spent the last 4 years building, kids are home, I’m doing the best that I can to provide them with a balanced schedule supporting their mental, emotional, and physical health, and their education, while also trying to shift to this on-line world. On top of that, the world I have worked in is going to look so different in this new paradigm. What I knew before may never exist like that again, or at least not for a long time.
Despite the challenges that this year has brought, and the fact that there are many reasons I could curl up and hide behind closed doors, I am actually not stressed, worried, sad or angry. I am ok. I am actually better than ok. I am in a place of complete trust and surrender. And I am excited. Though forced to shift (which is often the only way we step out of our comfort and safety and find a new rhythm), I have been silently asking Source for my next steps. I just needed some time and space to hear what Source had to say.
Which brings me to the subject of this blog, What I Know For Certain in a Time of Great Uncertainty…
I know for certain that:
I may not have all the answers as questions arise, but it is really comforting trusting that I don’t need them, that spirit will help guide me!
In this time of uncertainty, what are you certain of? Listen to your heart, it speaks to spirit…our minds often get things confused. The heart knows! It always knows!
Sending you so much love. There is always more than enough; just open your heart and let it in